First let me say thank you, Sassy B., for inviting me into your banana grove. As your resident psychobanalyst, I'd like to start by clearing up a common misconception about our fruit of inspiration.
Sometimes a banana is just a banana.
This idiomatic phrase is often incorrectly attributed to Dr. Sigmund Freud.
What Freud actually said, according to his young protege Carl Jung, was, Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Now, I don't know about you, but these days, when I hear someone mention a cigar? I can't help but free associate it with our 42nd President and his notorious squeeze,
Which then makes me free associate further. Wouldn't it be great if these two founding psychobanalysts were still around to discuss the infamous case of hide the banana under the president's desk? And wouldn't it be even greater if we could all be banana flies on the wall?
I need to tell you that I am feeling somewhat guilty for exploiting the unfortunate missteps of a young college coed and a power drunk president, but in the interest of science ... here goes:
Dr. Jung: What does it mean, Dr. Freud?
Dr. Freud: Why, the cigar is clearly a phallic symbol, Dr. Jung. How could it be more obvious?
Dr. Jung: But the fact that our banalysands did, we presume, have a functional phallis readily available, why would they choose a symbol when they could have had the real thing?'
Dr. Freud: You have a lot to learn, my young Dr. Jung. Banalysand Bill was feeling emasculated by his pants-wearing wife so he went looking for a means to prove his manhood. At the same time, he knew the reputation of his presidency would be in jeopardy if he consummated the act. So... he chose to keep that woman on her knees, figuratively speaking, of course.
Dr. Jung: Ah, I see. And Bononica, suffering from a severe case of penis envy, decided to take matters into her own hands.
Dr. Freud: Once again, young Jung, you are no match for your mentor's diagnostic interpretations. Bononica most assuredly suffers from an oral fixation which led her to--
Dr. Jung: ---Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! Take matters into her own mouth! Yes. It's all making perfect sense.
Dr. Freud: Now you're cooking, Carl.
And that, dear readers, concludes our first history lesson in psychobanalysis. Any questions?